First week of teaching is done and we are nearly half way through the second week and frankly I am exhausted! I wasn’t really sure what to expect from the new students and the school, but it feels somewhat chaotic and I am not sure I have found my feet yet. For starters, I don’t feel like I have nearly enough time to get all my work done – teaching, setting up provocations and invitations, observations, assessments and not to mention the constant cleaning and taking children to the toilet (which is taking up the most of my time at the moment). Yes I know, these are all important teaching moments and learning moments for me but I don’t feel calm at all and the noise level WTF. I also feel dumb as fuck... there I have said it. I am really doubting my teaching abilities on so many levels. I tried to explain to one of my colleagues the importance of observations and learning stories and how to write them and I just could not find the words, it was as if my brain decided to go on static for a while. I could tell she was thinking “what a douche bag, she is meant to be mentoring me?”
(Just a side note, as I am writing this my offspring are throwing Lego and yelling at each other about how much they hate each other and how they are annoying and don’t help anyone – I just do not have the energy to get up off my arse to intervene, I just don’t. I am done, doesn’t help a boy punched me in the boob today and thought it was funny). Where was I? Oh yeah, I feel fucking dumb. When I talk to the other teachers or parents about the work we are doing in the pre-school with play I just can’t seem to formulate a coherent sentence. I know it is in there somewhere, but I am failing to find it. I am not looking forward to meet the teacher night on Thursday. I have also got a UTI (AWESOME). I thought that I could just drink a fuck tonne of Ural to flush it out, but no that did not work so here I am on antibiotics because the Dr said “you don’t want kidney failure and end up in hospital here in Samoa ... trust me”. Ok give me the drugs. I can’t even remember the last time I had a UTI, I’m blaming stress. Which means I can’t have a nice glass of anything alcoholic at the end of a full-on day. Water it is then! And then yesterday morning I woke up with the biggest pimple on my chin, which my offspring thought would be great to point out to me all ... the ... fucking ... time because obviously I can’t see the monster that resides on my face at the moment. When I look in the mirror (which isn’t that often) all I can see is this other being living, taking up residence on my face. Taunting me, laughing at me making running commentaries about how I have failed. Maybe my zit would be better at life right now that me. Just saying. At least I have my favourite apron on, cooking dinner, writing blog posts and ignoring the war that rages over Lego WINNING!
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February 2021
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