I believe the title says it all really. I have run out of coffee and that does not bode well... oh no no no, this is not a good situation for anybody. Every time I think ‘right let’s just pop over to the shops and get some coffee’ something comes up. Also, our internet has decided to stop working so I have gone cold turkey with two of my major addictions! Thank Christ I still have alcohol.
Let’s see, week three of the teaching/schooling year and week six of 2019 what has been happening – I got told I was showing too much cleavage. Oh my goodness who would have thought a plain white v-neck t-shirt could get you in to so much trouble? Brush it off girlfriend and put it behind you. I’m going to take the positive out of this and see this as a compliment of my beautiful bosom. The children at school have been intense to say the least. There has been a lot of separation anxiety and crying but thank God that has reduced remarkably and we are making headway with our integration of play based learning into the preschool. Although, today did not feel that great, just seemed as though everyone, even the teachers were on edge. Something about the day made everyone nervy and easily agitated, maybe it has something to do with the weather, it was very windy today. I don’t know it just didn’t feel right today. I’m feeling as though I am being torn in two different directions and I am not sure what to do about it. On one hand, we all know that our focus this term should be settling the children into a stable routine and creating a safe environment for learning where children feel as though they belong. Guiding children in their learning of social relationships and emotional well-being, but on the other hand we feel pressured to ‘teach’ the children their alphabet, hand writing, reading and numbers because they ‘have to be ready’ for school by the end of the year. These are competing ideas and the two ideas seem to be coming from external factors and not the educators in the room. We want to use play based learning to foster a disposition for learning, and through play-based activities the children will learn, but it is not in the traditional – top down approach that is used in Samoa. Maybe I am looking at this with the wrong lens, in fact I am pretty sure that I am. Maybe I need to ask, is play-based learning culturally appropriate within this context? Or how can I make play-based learning more culturally appropriate within this context? Indeed, something to mull over I think. The other issue I have been struggling with was and is probably best expressed in this comment by my youngest offspring “you’re no fun anymore Mummy, you never play with us or have fun with us anymore. You are always working or doing housework”. I just can’t seem to find a balance between teaching work, housework and my family, it is really bloody hard. We are not even at the end of February and I don’t seem to be able to get on top of everything. Surely something has to give right?
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First week of teaching is done and we are nearly half way through the second week and frankly I am exhausted! I wasn’t really sure what to expect from the new students and the school, but it feels somewhat chaotic and I am not sure I have found my feet yet. For starters, I don’t feel like I have nearly enough time to get all my work done – teaching, setting up provocations and invitations, observations, assessments and not to mention the constant cleaning and taking children to the toilet (which is taking up the most of my time at the moment). Yes I know, these are all important teaching moments and learning moments for me but I don’t feel calm at all and the noise level WTF. I also feel dumb as fuck... there I have said it. I am really doubting my teaching abilities on so many levels. I tried to explain to one of my colleagues the importance of observations and learning stories and how to write them and I just could not find the words, it was as if my brain decided to go on static for a while. I could tell she was thinking “what a douche bag, she is meant to be mentoring me?”
(Just a side note, as I am writing this my offspring are throwing Lego and yelling at each other about how much they hate each other and how they are annoying and don’t help anyone – I just do not have the energy to get up off my arse to intervene, I just don’t. I am done, doesn’t help a boy punched me in the boob today and thought it was funny). Where was I? Oh yeah, I feel fucking dumb. When I talk to the other teachers or parents about the work we are doing in the pre-school with play I just can’t seem to formulate a coherent sentence. I know it is in there somewhere, but I am failing to find it. I am not looking forward to meet the teacher night on Thursday. I have also got a UTI (AWESOME). I thought that I could just drink a fuck tonne of Ural to flush it out, but no that did not work so here I am on antibiotics because the Dr said “you don’t want kidney failure and end up in hospital here in Samoa ... trust me”. Ok give me the drugs. I can’t even remember the last time I had a UTI, I’m blaming stress. Which means I can’t have a nice glass of anything alcoholic at the end of a full-on day. Water it is then! And then yesterday morning I woke up with the biggest pimple on my chin, which my offspring thought would be great to point out to me all ... the ... fucking ... time because obviously I can’t see the monster that resides on my face at the moment. When I look in the mirror (which isn’t that often) all I can see is this other being living, taking up residence on my face. Taunting me, laughing at me making running commentaries about how I have failed. Maybe my zit would be better at life right now that me. Just saying. At least I have my favourite apron on, cooking dinner, writing blog posts and ignoring the war that rages over Lego WINNING! |
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