It has been a while between posts, there have been a multitude of reasons why this is the case. Work, mundane life chores, work, and lazing on the beach or by the resort pool, pandemics, anxiety attacks. Life really does move at a slower pace on the Islands, but that is not what this post is about. From the title it is pretty obvious what I am going to write about.
Respect.
13 Comments
We’re into week 8 of the measles epidemic in Samoa and as I am writing this 48 people have died 1 adult, 47 children and over 3000 people reported infected. These figures are growing rapidly every day, and every day my Facebook feed is flooded with images of children in ICU, families desperately lining up to vaccinate their children, and photos of children who have lost their battle against the illness and parents sobbing over their small bodies. How did we fail our most vulnerable?
I can’t believe we have hit March already. Is it just me or is this year going exceptionally fast? One part of me is totally stoked that the year is flying by because it means I will be home soon for home leave and I will get to see my wonderful friends and family. On the other-hand it means time here in Samoa is running out, like the sands through the hour glass LOL (only people of a certain age will get that pop culture reference, it also shows my age) and I am not sure I am making the most of it here.
Sometimes having a critical mind is painful – correction for me it is always painful. It’s painful because it causes you reflect on yourself, your behaviour and your role in maintaining injustice. For me (I can’t speak on behalf of my husband) it causes me to feel guilty. I feel guilt for not spending enough ‘quality’ time with my children, I feel guilty for getting frustrated and angry at my children, I feel guilty for not cleaning as much as I should, then I feel guilty for not spending enough time on my work. I also feel frustrated because I don’t think I am doing enough to change the shit things that are happening around me.
Sometimes I think it would be easier on me, my children, and my family if we just bobbed along in this sea, oblivious to the world around us. I know for a fact I would be less frustrated and angry if I ignored it all. Unfortunately, I don’t think we can do that, and I know that both my daughters have developed a sharp and critical view on the world. It was bound to happen they’ve grown up immersed in discussions about race relations in Australia, global politics, immigration policies, taxes, gender stereotypes – all of this just at the dinner table with my family and friends! There was really no hope with their Fairy Book Mother and Uncle Viking, the offspring were bound to be cynical observers of the world. So, what happened on Saturday has again brought into focus my fears for my daughters, especially my eldest. Ok, let me give you a very short back story – we have never gender stereotyped our daughters, in fact we have gone out of our way to challenge the gender binaries of our society. We have always explained to our children that there are no such things as ‘boy’ or ‘girl’ toys, colours, clothes or activities and that yes, we may have specific sexual organs, the concept of male and female, boy and girl are socially constructed in a way that oppresses one gender. We have always said that we are human and how we chose to represent ourselves physically is a personal choice and doesn’t determine or define us. Unfortunately, not everyone thinks like this and now retrospectively I fear this may cause my daughters, especially me eldest harm. My eldest daughter likes to wear clothes that most people would consider ‘masculine’ and has a shaved pixie cut hairstyle, ergo ‘she looks just like a boy!’ None of the family or our friends have a problem with the way she decides to represent herself, but I can’t say the same about the rest of society. On Saturday we went to a birthday party, it was a lovely party and it seemed as though everyone was playing well with each other until ... my eldest came up to me looking upset here’s the transcript: Me: what’s up? ED: A and T are calling me names, they’re calling me a Fa’afafine (Fa’afafine are Samoan biological males who behave in a range of feminine ways, they are considered to be a third gender in Samoan society). Me: Ok, leave it with me. Thank you for telling me, how about you go and find something else to do. I was shocked, not because a boy was harassing her – unfortunately this is not the first time a boy has verbally and physically harassed her because she doesn’t prescribe to gender stereotypes, we have had at least 4 in Samoa that I know of and trust me I did not hold back! I was shocked because A who is friends with my daughter went along with the name calling. Granted child A is 4 years younger than my daughter and I understand that it is an unfortunate human trait to go along with the masses, but for me it demonstrated quite clearly how children as young as 5 are reproducing harmful stereotypes and the power adults have in re-enforcing these norms that are damaging to all. Thankfully A’s mother is a superstar, a powerful, intelligent and strong Samoan woman who was not offended by my discussion with her in regard to this but appreciated the fact that I brought this to her attention. A testament to both parents, they dealt with it quickly, quietly and swiftly and as it turns out A didn’t even know what the boy was talking about and felt terrible for hurting someone’s feelings like that. The boy on the other hand, we decided a birthday party was probably not the best time to discuss their fucked-up world views on gender, feminism and social justice – we will save that for vigorous discussions over gin. How do I arm my eldest offspring with the tools to deal with this? How do I resist telling all these little fuckwits to take a long walk off a short pier? I'm sitting here at the dining room table, children deeply immersed in the Peter Rabbit movie and as the sun peaks through the clouds and the rain has finally stopped, I am cautiously optimistic that my washing may actually dry today. Although, as it has been sitting out there for a few days it's probably going to smell like moldy old socks. Oh living in the tropics it's not all white sunny beach days and cocktails under coconut palms (which I would not suggest because if one of those bad boys lands on your head god help you). There's the mould, which I have been finding on the leather couch and our leather shoes (the tropics is no friend to leather) and I know that I have mentioned this before but the gecko shit is really starting to piss me off now but whats more the geckos laughing at me as I clean it is making me paranoid. Today I am finding it hard to put into words what I am feeling, usually pontificating about life and loves come easily to me, but today seems unreasonably difficult for me. Might have something to do with the noise level in my house at the moment. Honestly the British accents in Peter Rabbit are bloody awful, I mean really it's not that hard come on! Oh and also I did some research, rabbits don't touch heads to apologise. But I am going off on a tangent. The last couple of days I have been thinking a lot about what 2019 is going to bring, the new challenges we are going to be facing and my changing relationship with my children, especially my eldest daughter. I'm definitely not one for New Year's resolutions because I do not have the fucking energy level OR will power to keep to any shit like that. It's true I'm lazy. I was given a gratitude journal 2 years ago by my mum and I am too lazy to even write what I am grateful for! Plus I don't think it is normal to write that you are grateful for alcohol (ha! just joking....). There is one thing that I really want to try to get better at and that is I want to stop being so hard on myself- for the mistakes that I have made, for the bad parenting decisions I have made, and for not knowing or understanding things right now. Because I am not perfect and I never will be and that's perfectly fine. This year is going to be very different for all of us. I have my work visa now so I will be working full time teaching and because of this the offspring will be starting at another new school. This change has brought many tears and tantrums because even though we may not have approved of the teaching practices at their old school and the amount of religious content, they made some very close and beautiful friends. I am also very anxious about my new role and all that will come with it. I know I am going to make mistakes, that some days the activities and lessons will just flop and some days are going to be shit, but the NEW ME is working really hard to counter these angst driven thoughts with positivism - it's really fucking exhausting, how do positive people do it? No really, if you can give me some advice please I am all ears because I am shattered and it's only day 9. It also doesn't help that I have what might be possibly diagnosed as OCD so shit like this really tests my ability to not want to jump in, tidy up and make it perfect. Oh and I forgot, I will also be turning 40 in 2019 (WTF) that can't be right? I see you 40 and I am going to smash you out of the park baby! Also, why do some expats act as though they have been here for years? - conversing with such confidence and authority that one would think they have lived in Samoa for a good 10 years when in reality they have been here 9 months! I still feel like I am fresh off the boat, trying to find my way around the markets, the best places to eat out, chemists, Dr's, learning the language, and understanding the nuances of the Samoan culture. |
AuthorExplorer of words and worlds. Categories
All
Archives
February 2021
|